Child Therapy part 2

“Stephany we need to talk”

What is it with that question? That “we need to talk” part. Why does it always make us stir or feel a type of way? You ever felt that? When someone in a random moment, in your life has asked you that? Especially unexpectedly, I don’t know, every time I get asked that I honestly have a small moment of fear but then I know I should wait it out, since it’s not always bad news.

Well, This time however, it was bad. Sitting across from me the Ravens, they were trying to find a way to start todays session, Mr. R had my journal in his hands and Mrs. R had two little figurines with her. The two little dolls caught my attention, because one of them was a little bear plushie, and the other was a little girl like doll, she placed them on the table and replaced them with the folder that was on the table and opened it up with a pen in her hand.

It felt like forever. Little me didn’t know what to do, and the silence was unbearable, a minute felt like forever, sitting across from each other, waiting and waiting, the silence growing louder and what felt like a long wait, Mr. R finally spoke.

I flinched, averting his eyes.

“How are you Stephany? How do you feel today?” Mr. R asked.

“ i’m okay” little me said.

“Stephany, we looked over your journal, there are a few entries that worry us” Mr. R said.

“Are you okay to talk with us about them?” He asked.

“did I do something bad?” Little me asked

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong, we just want to know a little more about what you wrote. Will you tell us more?” He asked.

Mrs. R watching me, would begin to write.

I looked away, avoiding making eye contact again, I would look down or looked around the room. What did they want me to say? I didn’t know what to do. What had I written in my journal that made the Ravens react this way? I sat quietly thinking of the right words to say—something I still do to this day. I don’t know if it’s a bad habit or it’s something reasonable. Like thinking rationally and saying the right words without letting my emotions get the best of me and answer whoever’s questioning me with honest words— Mrs. R seeing my hesitation and uncomfortableness switched rolls with her husband.

“Here, why not play with these little dolls, they will help you keep you safe” she said handing them to me.

I held them and looked them over, then returned the little girl doll onto the table, hugging the bear plush, I held it close to me. I liked how soft and pillow like it felt, and it smelled really nice, it had a flower like scent, and it was a bit bigger than the little girl doll. The little girl doll was a little smaller and it was made of soft fabric, and had a little outfit, with ruffles and shoes, the outfit material was a bit itchy and rough, a similar description would be that it almost looked like the Annabelle doll like but not as creepy, more doll like, if that’s the right way in describing it —haha.

After allowing me to get comfortable and looking more relaxed hugging the bear, Mrs. R then spoke.

“Can I read some of what you wrote to you? Is that okay?” She asked.

little me nodded.

She grabbed my journal and flipped it to the page she wanted.

“Can you tell me what you mean here on this part that you wrote?”

She began to read.

“no one helps me, no one saves me from the man. He touches me, I don’t like it. He picks me up. sits me on his lap. It scares me. I try to run but he stops and grabs me every time. I want to disappear….I want to disappear….”

The Ravens were quiet and after a while asked me other question bout how I felt about this and that. This session seemed to go longer than the previous ones. I was feeling extremely tired by the time I was finally allowed to leave. I spent the rest of the school day in a blur, I felt as if everything around me was moving in fast motion while I remained in a slow motion. I didn’t even remember getting home, or anything that happened the rest of the day.

There where a lot of days that I started to not remember.

I don’t know what that was, but I just know I began to feel cold and empty, and lots of loss of time.

It was always those two.

Empty….Blackout… Empty….Blackout

Empty.

Blackout.