Just a girl named __________

A girl named _________...

Well, lets get the introduction in order shall we?

Hello, my full name is Stephany, but I've also been called Steph or Gwen, I was born and raised in this gold ol' little town called Santa Ana in the loving County of Orange. Age? Well, let’s say I’m old enough. I am also a mother now, to the cutest little girl, and hopefully a good wife to my handsomes. Before, I used to feel like I never really belonged, at times I still do, but at my ripe age now, I honestly don't mind it as much as I thought before. I’ve always felt like I was just a girl who happened to just be here, wherever I am, and not necessarily all there but there, if that makes sense? Sometimes I even wondered how long I’d even be here, who would I ever meet, where I would even go and what and who I’d ever come across.

Growing up I was always the quiet one, shy, always alone, I always had trouble fitting in and feeling connected with my peers when I first started school. It was always as if I never belonged, I somehow was always outcasted and brushed off despite always trying to befriend everyone, but to my luck, I was able to create a few friends and acquaintances here and there and yet I also created a few bullies or "haters" if you will. It made me wonder why I've always felt a type of way, when it came to befriending others. What was it that prevented me to feel a connection? Was it because they were so much different compared to me? Or was there something wrong about me? I spent years thinking that perhaps I’d never make a connection with someone, and that it’ll somehow always be that way. But, over the years I began to learn and understand the reasons to why I had felt that way.

Until I started attending my first year of college, I was first introduced to a new word Mental Health. Growing up, and before college, the word Mental Health wasn't very known, or acknowledged. I had always wondered why I couldn’t be expressive, or open to others, or be able to build connections. I always felt like I wasn’t human at times instead I felt like a little doll with someone controlling the strings. But for me, after years and years of not knowing the reason behind all these feelings and thoughts I've had, it finally made sense.

Through out the years a lot has happened in my life that has taught me valuable lessons, has given me knowledge and at times learned how to cope with things, of course, as best as I can because at times I still have a bit trouble. I usually need time to process it all, sometimes relive it and learn from it, even if it may take a while but I eventually figure it out. I’m also very thankful for those few individuals that have helped me along the way. I never thought I’d make it though all the hardships I’ve had dealt with in the past, and present and thinking of it now, I can see where I’ve grown, where I've become stronger, and where I still need to work on to get better at. Which at times I always wondered if certain decisions could have possibly changed my entire outcome? Where would I be now? or would I still even be here? All though, the hardships I’m happy where I am now, and I can’t think of anything that I would ever want to change. Well maybe a few things here and there, but that’s life right? We just have to keep going and do the best we can and survive, and I will, I have, and I’ll continue to do so.

-S